Here is my video review of the book.

Tal Ben-Shahar achieved a unique distinction when 1400 Harvard students registered for his course on Positive Psychology. He has written several books. The Pursuit of Perfect was written in 2009.

The book helps us understand that pursuit of perfection is an enemy of achieving a happy life. The symptoms of perfectionism are three–1) we reject failure. Failure is not an option. 2) we reject painful emotions. Believing that painful emotions serve no useful purpose and must be eradicated fully. To be happy must mean that we never experience sorrow. And finally 3) we reject even success. No achievement is good enough. Any time we achieve something we immediately move to the next level and are never satisfied or happy with where we are.

Tal does not reject pursuit of perfection totally, but differentiates between the “good” versus “bad” kind of perfectionism. A good perfectionist accepts and adapts to the reality and is called Optimalist–perfection, given what is possible.

A perfectionist focuses on the destination, not the journey. So the hurdles and failures along the way are painful whereas one needs to accept them and enjoy the journey. The reason we reject failures is that we are driven by a need to project a better image of ourselves than reality. This is our basic insecurity. If we are having trouble we must not be good enough. So we become defensive and reject all failure, not even acknowledging it to ourselves. Tal provides interesting examples of Edison who “found 10,000 ways a bulb does not work” and Michael Jordan who “missed more than 9,000 shots.” These greats had overcome their insecurity and fully acknowledged that failure is part of trying. To increase your success–double your rate of failure.

The second attribute of a perfectionist is rejection of the painful emotions. One must realize that the joy and happiness flows through the same pipes as sorrow and disappointment. If we block of the emotional tunnels, we also choke off the joy and happiness. The world is filled with hurdles and setbacks, so accepting this reality is essential for a happy life. Carrying a burden of always having a perfect life is too tiresome. We must accept our humanness and worlds imperfections. Acceptance does not mean that we do not strive to change it. But first step is to accept. Acceptance, even of such unbearable sorrows like death of loved one, eventually opens new possibilities once you heal. There is a beautiful passage from Emerson about how “a fallen flower which is neglected by the gardner is made into a banian of the forest, yielding shade and fruit to the wide neighborhood.”

Finally, the issue of rejecting success. We continuously strive to prove that we are worthy. No matter, how seemingly hopeless our cause, we must find joy in the journey. There is an interesting description of Sisyphus by Albert Camus. Sisyphus was the man who was condemned by the Gods to keep rolling up a huge rock up a mountain, only for it roll back again and the whole cycle to start again. Camus urges us to see Sisyphus as happy in his seemingly hopeless and unending task. And this is the essence of a happy life.

Connecting it back to our spiritual journey–the essence of the book is that life is full of failures. The more worthwhile something is of pursuit, the more chances are there that we may face failure. We must face our life and assess it realistically. Set a path and keep moving. Enjoy the journey, and take all the hurdles along the way as opportunities for growth (but don’t reject your feelings of sadness and sorrow when things go wrong). Or in other words, stay focused on the journey or duty, don’t worry too much about hurdles or success. Sounds familiar?